JAM

I'm struggling with the loss of one of the best human beings I've known. She wasn't family, and I wasn't her friend, rather I was her coach. In my heart, I hope she saw me as all three.

Losing Jenny has turned my world upside down. My beliefs, which aren't all that pious, are better summarized as Karma, but given the circumstances my "beliefs" are failing me horribly. Jenny was innately good. Losing her just doesn't add up. She radiated happiness unlike anybody I've ever met.

It helps knowing that she and her family have such a strong faith. They're hurting in a way I will never fully understand, and their belief in God gives them some measure of control; sadly, that knowledge only exacerbates the guilt, confusion, and frustration that I'm feeling.

It's impossible to think about Jenny and not recall her most prominent characteristics. Her goodness, her work ethic, her tremendous potential, and her selflessness. I think of these things, and I remember how much she enjoyed life. I'd regularly look at her and think to myself, "she just gets it." She experienced life in a way I can both envy and aspire toward. She loved the journey more than the destination. She loved the process as much as the final product. Jenny loved preparing for games as much as winning them. She genuinely found fulfillment in helping her teammates improve, which I'm certain transcended lacrosse. This was her way.

I'm just a narrow-minded coach. If we lose, I feel I've failed my players. So it struck me in a weird way when I found Jenny smiling after a loss this fall. I found it equally odd that I felt compelled to smile with her. Jenny was very competitive, but she had the ability to put things in perspective with a smile (yet another amazing quality of hers). A smile from her conveyed her appreciation for being an athlete, and her love for the game, her teammates, and us. Suddenly, I felt a little embarrassed.

It was impossible to get upset with this girl because her heart was always in the right place. As her coach, it was my job to be critical, but I was powerless against her undeniable benevolence. Often, you'll hear coaches say they yell at players because they love them; they yell because they genuinely want them to get better. I never once yelled at Jenny, I couldn't, and that's one of my biggest regrets. Jenny made mistakes on the field. She got frustrated at times, just like everybody else, but she so passionately wanted to do well I just never felt the need. Tomorrow we will have our first practice without Jenny.

Life's cruel joke. If I could have one more practice with her, I'd make sure to yell at her.

Knowing Jenny she would accept my criticism, thanking me eagerly, and rush back to the end of the line waiting to get another crack at it. What more could a teacher ask for in a student?

Our team is missing her. I'm missing her. I want so badly to frame this loss in a way I can feel at ease with, but a picture can never be complete if you're missing a piece of the puzzle. Maybe that's the point. Jenny would say life is finding beauty in the picture, even when there are missing pieces. I bet Jenny loved puzzles.

Ronny Mexico

I'm not really a religious person. Never have been. I needed to imdb "Seven" just to figure out which of the deadly sins was most appropriate for this story, and even that didn't help my understanding much. At any rate, sitting here, listening to ESPN blabber on and on about today's greediest, most vain sports personalities, I began to think about my favorites...

Did you know Pete Carroll is giving up 2 timeouts in next week's game against cross town rival UCLA, just to wear home jerseys in the Rose bowl? What an arrogant, classless, prideful bastard. That's badass. Stupid. But cool.

Here is my problem. If it's sports related, I'm not just interested, I'm gulping it down in excess. See you all in hell (see Gluttony).

Big time sports generate big time cash money. Everybody knows the scrutiny that comes with that kind of loot, and with 24hour news shrinking the world, today's athletes have little room for error. (Pacman Jones. Really? You've heard Mo Money Mo Probems. Making it Rain? Figure it out.)

Maybe I'm just pissed off because when I'm sitting at the bar in Maui, I'd like to be able to focus on a pivotal college football match up (OU vs. OSU, huge BCS implications). I don't appreciate the assault on my concentration by a barrage of news regarding the latest superstar to implode. Why is it when they collapse into their self made black holes they have to suck me in too?

I'm not gonna lie, sometimes seeing them blowing it is painfully entertaining. That said, I'm not shocked by the overexposure of Plaxico "Cheddar Bob" Burress. He plays in the Apple, for the defending Super Bowl champs, the New York Giants. I get it. Major market... blah blah blah.

The facts are pretty bland, some over payed punk, a wannabe thug carrying a gun in a nightclub, illegally, shot himself in the leg. In the process, he obliterated his already rapidly deteriorating reputation as an athlete and flushed his exorbitant paycheck down the toilet.

Modern Religion ought to include stupidity as the 8th major sin, though it's rarely deadly, it's certainly fun to watch.

49er + 1= #50.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hfYhYft8dwI

"Samurai Mike." Wow.

An ode to the "Minister of Defense:"
On a week where speeches by noteworthy new leaders were abundant, yours stole the show.
(side note: originally I wrote "took the cake," but wtf does that expression even mean?)

Having been involved with team sports for the better part of my life, listening to your rant was unbelievably gratifying. I'm not a complete idiot, I realize a post-game press conference and the acceptance speech from President-Elect Obama are hardly comparable, however, I'm fascinated with the few similarities.

Just to be clear, the 49ers aren't my team, but when you envision the Montana/Young 49ers you can't help but think of a proud tradition, a culture of success...America the Beautiful. Those Niners represented a golden era in professional football. Unfortunately, much like the Niners, few can argue that these United States have been poorly managed in recent years.

I admire Americans because at least we can channel our desperation into funny snl skits, but the truth is the (under)performance of our government has been truly laughably pathetic...just like the post-Debartolo Niners.

The parrallels are pretty obvious.

Mr. Singletary, your press conference was, for the 49er faithful, an impromptu State of the Union address. Sadly, the (Niner) Nation has lost faith and probably deserves an apology. But I really wish you didn't. Never once have I heard President-Elect Obama making apologies for the years of inept decision making by President Bush.

It's alright though Mike, I don't blame you, it was coming from the heart. That I can tolerate. I understand you're new to this Head Coaching thing, in fact, your (lack of) experience is tantamount to our new President's, and I'm certainly going to give him that leeway: if he gets it then shouldn't you?

You're just a football coach. I mean, you didn't have a staff of writers or a teleprompter to put the words in your mouth. You didn't have on the job training in the form of a campaign trail (pre-season). However, you did inherit a dejected disenfranchised group of constituents (San Fran fan base), somebody else's problems, ironically, he wore a suit to work too (Coach Nolan), and a win/loss column that mirrors America's.

All of that in mind, you took the podium, filled with emotion, and said the words that needed to be said, rather, the words that needed to be heard. I listened and nod my head in agreement, started to do the math, and smiled. Because the numbers add up; 2+2 does equal 4. Niners fans and Americans alike, finally have people in leadership roles that actually embody the American Dream. You personify progress. I smiled because a generation of kids younger than me are about to care. Just like I cared when Montana, Rice, and Craig killed it on SuperTecmo Bowl and Starter jackets were status symbols.

I smiled because sports do reflect life.

Then I stopped smiling because I remembered you coach the 49ers not the Browns. And I remembered Obama doesn't get in office until January. But it's cool. I'm a good sport:
"we'll get 'em next year."
D